It is sometimes interesting how animals and people come together for each other. My emotional support dog, Krissie, most of the time needs more support from me than I do from her. She HATES loud noises, motorcycles, air vents above the stove, just about anything noisy she hates it and runs for cover.
As most any parent who has lost a child knows, you will forever be moving through life and all of a sudden a trigger hits and you are taking steps backwards in your journey. This recently happened to me on two separate occasions.
So I am still seeing a doctor for my medications that I am on and talking to her. I went last month right before Baby Sis’s wedding. The doctor suggested that I start going back to a therapist to talk about my loss. I haven’t talked to a therapist since I moved back to Dallas a year ago. I have done pretty good I think, but there are times where I know that I am not in a good place and talking to a therapist might help.
I have always associated PTSD with soldiers coming home from war zones and trying to acclimate themselves back into the life they left behind and first responders. There has been several movies that touch on PTSD not really talked about it but if you know the signs you can figure it out.
After losing Big Bubby to such a tragic accident the way we did, I have had several doctors who all state that I have some form of PTSD. When they tell me that, I feel like I am dishonoring the military and first responders who see sooo much more horrible things than what I have been through. Yes, my loss was tragic and I wish every day that it hadn’t happened to me and my family but military and first responders see it every day.
Night terrors, night mares, whatever you want to say they are can rock someones world since there is no going back to a peaceful sleep. Being scared to go anywhere afraid something will trigger a memory that is too hard to relive. Or meeting someone on the street that stops you and wants to talk your ear off when all you want is your cup of coffee and your couch.
This was never a worry of mine, put to the back of my mind especially when Big Bubby came home from Afghanistan and I didn’t know what was transpiring in his home with his wife. He did have some trauma from going over to fight for terrorism. He never told me or his dad about the mental struggle he had. He wouldn’t seek treatment because he said there were others worse off than him and that he could deal with it. A chip off the old mom block right there my friends.
Now, three years in, I know that to some extent, there is a PTSD side to my loss. Not being able to see Big Bubby after the accident before the burial, the nature of the accident itself, and just simply losing a child out of order has shown that PTSD is not just for the military or the first repsonders.
Don’t let this blog go without saying, if you are struggling with PTSD today, please reach out to someone for help. We are many and we are here to be a voice of reason when the memories are too much. No life should be lost to this tragic disease.
So a week or so ago, I had to call upon my middle child to help me out a bit. I stated in my most recent blog to hold on and see what new adventures we would go on. It only took a day or so after writing that blog that adventure found me. If you are not a gory kind of person, you may want to pass on this post…Continue reading “Accidents and Million Dollar Brother”
So I have been in this crazy, horrible club now for three and a half years. I have seen myself go from totally numb from drugs and drinking to feeling every small pain staking step through my grief.
For those who follow me, this is a post about grief, learning to hide it from those you love, and how it impacts every aspect of your life. You may want to pass if you are my family or friends as it is not something for everyone.
As most who have followed along on this journey of mine know, my family and I lost Big Bubby to a horrific car accident on 11/10/15 at 5:12AM on a Tuesday morning in Dallas Texas. He was on his way to work just like we all are on a daily basis. Thinking nothing but the usual would happen that day only to open his eyes in the presence of God. Continue reading “The Reality of Life And Anniversaries”