So we are at another beginning of the holiday season. Time to be thankful for what we have. For those of us who have lost a child/children, it is sometimes very difficult to find anything to be thankful for. I mean, why are people always so happy during the holiday’s? Why do they assume we should be smiling and happy too? Don’t they know that our world fell apart? That we lost the most precious thing to us EVER? Can’t they see that on our face?Continue reading “Thanksgiving 2019”
So here we are another anniversary, another year gone by, another set of days without your smile, your laugh, your presence here for me to take in. This year has been a year of reclaiming myself. Finding a small amount of peace within my grief. Learning that I can feel happiness again and not feel guilty to have that in my life.Continue reading “4 Years, 1,460 days, 35,040 hours, Too Many Minutes and Seconds to Count”
Today marks a very dark day in the history of our country. 18 years ago a terrorist group thought they could take us down with the acts of September 11th. I saw a post this morning on Facebook that stated, “I miss September 12, 2001”. Meaning the coming together of our country to unify as one showing terrorism they couldn’t break us. But we have broke our country, we need September 12th back. It is just another loss that is felt for so many of us who have lost so much.
Eighteen years ago I didn’t know the true grief of losing a child, I wasn’t “one of those parents” yet. Since 2015 I have come to know all too well the grief associated with losing my child to a traumatic loss. Although not the magnitude of September 11th, it is still a loss greater than I could have ever imagined it would be.
I have noted that since the loss of Big Bubby I have learned many things. Good and bad, these have been life lessons that I would not have learned without the loss of my child.
- I have learned that people will pull away from you so they are not uncomfortable around you
- I have learned that there are soooo very many different types of loss and that even though I have lost a child, doesn’t mean that the next mom who loses a child will have the same type of feelings
- I have learned to show grace and forgiveness before holding tight to grudges – they are not worth losing a relationship that you treasure
- I have learned that you must be “that person” who is there for others to talk to in their time of need
- I have learned to lean heavily on those who know what I lost when Big Bubby went ahead of me
I have learned that you find your true family and friends and the support system you will forever need
I never knew of July being named Bereaved Parents Month until 3 years ago. Interestingly enough, my husband, daughter, and I all share July birthdays as well.
As most any parent who has lost a child knows, you will forever be moving through life and all of a sudden a trigger hits and you are taking steps backwards in your journey. This recently happened to me on two separate occasions.
So I am still seeing a doctor for my medications that I am on and talking to her. I went last month right before Baby Sis’s wedding. The doctor suggested that I start going back to a therapist to talk about my loss. I haven’t talked to a therapist since I moved back to Dallas a year ago. I have done pretty good I think, but there are times where I know that I am not in a good place and talking to a therapist might help.
So when I started this blog , wow, three and a half years ago, I never thought I would have written as much as I have. This has become a hobby for me and it is an outlet when I am feeling pressured or feeling the pain of my loss of Big Bubby.Continue reading “Life Directions – Changing Tides”
So I have been in this crazy, horrible club now for three and a half years. I have seen myself go from totally numb from drugs and drinking to feeling every small pain staking step through my grief.
For those who follow me, this is a post about grief, learning to hide it from those you love, and how it impacts every aspect of your life. You may want to pass if you are my family or friends as it is not something for everyone.
Wow today you would be 28 years old. I just can’t believe this is our fourth birthday without you here. The things you must know, have learned by now with Jesus at your side. The people you have met. You now have two cousins with you, please watch out over those babies.