Thanksgiving 2019

So we are at another beginning of the holiday season. Time to be thankful for what we have. For those of us who have lost a child/children, it is sometimes very difficult to find anything to be thankful for. I mean, why are people always so happy during the holiday’s? Why do they assume we should be smiling and happy too? Don’t they know that our world fell apart? That we lost the most precious thing to us EVER? Can’t they see that on our face?

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Another 4th of July = Another Day of Anxiety for Krissie the Emotional Support Dog in the Books

It is sometimes interesting how animals and people come together for each other. My emotional support dog, Krissie, most of the time needs more support from me than I do from her. She HATES loud noises, motorcycles, air vents above the stove, just about anything noisy she hates it and runs for cover.

Fourth Year of Holidays, Book Writing, Life

Since Big Bubby passed on 11/10/15, this has been and will be our 4th year of holidays without him. Thanksgiving rapidly came and went without a lot of fan fair. This I take as a win. Wins used to be big things, like a new job with significant income increases, getting the kids to bed on time, etc. Now my wins are hourly, daily, some even monthly. Once you have buried your child, life becomes a game of wins and losses that you keep track of. Wins are those where you stayed together, were able to interact with others for long periods of time, were able to stay out later than your new normal. Losses are those times when you can’t get out of bed and you just cover up for the day and tell yourself to try again tomorrow.

Christmas for us is going to be stretched until Mid January due to kids going all directions to spend time with their other families they have now. We are OK with that. The husband and I will have a quiet Christmas at the house with our beloved pups and watch football (maybe not me but my husband will). We plan to take a trip soon to our weekend home in the panhandle so just need to set a date and hold strong to it. We decided that maybe next year we would decorate for the holiday’s that this year it was still just not a feeling that we wanted to have. So no tree set up, no garland on the mantle, no lights on the house, just a quiet room, a husband and wife with their three fur-babies enjoying the quiet day together. Just saying thank you that the Cowboy’s don’t play on Christmas. 🙂

I wanted to also give an update on my book. I have finished the book now. The entire book is written but needs to be typed up and reviewed. I haven’t been this close to having it done in three years. I am nervous no one will want to read it but I also believe that Big Bubby is pushing me now to finish it up and get it out there for the journey parents behind me are on. The lost feelings, the hopelessness, I am hoping that I can help them and show them my way of coping. Both the good and the bad. I am ensuring the prescription drugs and the alcohol are all included in the book so that those who are in that spot know there is a way to come out of it and are not embarrassed by the use of them but understand the need to stop the use before it goes too far. I am giving my personal information so that if someone ever needs to talk, I am there. Big Bubby would want that for sure. With the book, I am looking to use it as a launching ground for speaking about Big Bubby and our loss at engagements where I might be invited. I want to be the voice for Big Bubby and families that struggle daily with the loss of a loved one. I am also looking into being a Life Coach. Helping others has always been something that I felt drawn to do and think that I could do some good in helping others see the path they have been given.

We are all getting on OK as these years pass. The kids are strong as ever with newlyweds and soon to be weddings happening. Cowgirl seems very happy in her new world and I am grateful for that. No matter how difficult my life will be for the future, I wanted Cowgirl to find her way to love again and I think she has found an awesome family and an awesome guy to make that a reality.

Again, this house of ours is a crazy house we live in. We try to keep our feet firmly planted on the ground, know that God has us even when we don’t want him to, that he is showing us our paths, and that in end family is all you have whether that is by blood or by friendship because I have a lot of both.


Letter to my Big Bubby:

It has been a little over a year, we lost you November 10th, 2015. It’s going to be another crazy holiday without you because Million Dollar Brother and Baby Sis are moving the week before Christmas. I am hoping that when I get there, everything will be unpacked and put away. 🙂


And So The Dreaded Holiday Season Is Upon Us….Not Numb for This Season

So today is December 1, 2016. It has been one year and 22 days since I last heard my Big Bubby’s voice. There are 24 days until Christmas and we just past Thanksgiving. Now that some things have happened over the last 3 ½ weeks, I have a lot of things to update all of you on. Continue reading “And So The Dreaded Holiday Season Is Upon Us….Not Numb for This Season”

We Will Never Celebrate A Holiday Again

The timing of Big Bubby’s accident presented the family with the worst kind of decisions so soon after the unexpected death of a child. We had to choose what to do about the holiday’s coming up. I knew that there was no way that we could, ourselves, fix meals and spend time with family/friends.

Casper’s parents along with so many other families in our community in Dallas asked to have our family for Thanksgiving dinner so that we didn’t have to eat out somewhere and could have a good home cooked meal. We chose to spend it with Casper’s family. They were letting Baby Sis stay with them for the last few weeks of the school semester until she graduated. Since losing her brother, she had stayed with Casper for the support she needed.

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