Today marks a very dark day in the history of our country. 18 years ago a terrorist group thought they could take us down with the acts of September 11th. I saw a post this morning on Facebook that stated, “I miss September 18, 2001”. Meaning the coming together of our country to unify as one showing terrorism they couldn’t break us. But we have broke our country, we need September 18th back. It is just another loss that is felt for so many of us who have lost so much.
Eighteen years ago I didn’t know the true grief of losing a child, I wasn’t “one of those parents” yet. Since 2015 I have come to know all too well the grief associated with losing my child to a traumatic loss. Although not the magnitude of September 11th, it is still a loss greater than I could have ever imagined it would be.
I have noted that since the loss of Big Bubby I have learned many things. Good and bad, these have been life lessons that I would not have learned without the loss of my child.
I have learned that people will pull away from you so they are not uncomfortable around you
I have learned that there are soooo very many different types of loss and that even though I have lost a child, doesn’t mean that the next mom who loses a child will have the same type of feelings
I have learned to show grace and forgiveness before holding tight to grudges – they are not worth losing a relationship that you treasure
I have learned that you must be “that person” who is there for others to talk to in their time of need
I have learned to lean heavily on those who know what I lost when Big Bubby went ahead of me I have learned that you find your true family and friends and the support system you will forever need
It is sometimes interesting how animals and people come together for each other. My emotional support dog, Krissie, most of the time needs more support from me than I do from her. She HATES loud noises, motorcycles, air vents above the stove, just about anything noisy she hates it and runs for cover.
As most any parent who has lost a child knows, you will forever be moving through life and all of a sudden a trigger hits and you are taking steps backwards in your journey. This recently happened to me on two separate occasions.
So I went to the referral that my doctor suggested for a different type of treatment called transcranial magnetic stimulation (TMS). I would be interested to know if anyone who has lost a child, been diagnosed with clinical depression, or other have tried this therapy. I do have to admit, I am a bit nervous about them messing with my brain activity.
They say that there are no side effects, but we all know what that means, just none noted that were too bad not to use the treatment. So just curious if anyone had tried it before.
Of course trying to get insurance to help with coverage is probably going to end up causing me to have to change antidepressants two more times before they will cover it. Ridiculous if you ask me. If a doctor is stating I should have the treatment because of my condition, the insurance should pay. I even work in healthcare and sometimes I have to step back and shake my head at what people have to do to get coverage for a service. Typical insurance run around.
So now, I am going to have to see the office where the TMS therapy is treated, a new doctor once again. Explain my story one more time. And hope that we can get this treatment covered. I am hopeful from the studies that have been done that it will eventually help me too. Although, because of the depression level and reason for it for me, it will not be as easy as some. I will have to have more than one session of treatments. I am OK with that if it works.
So speak up anyone who may have tried this! Give me your experiences either through messages here, facebook, etc.