Today marks a very dark day in the history of our country. 18 years ago a terrorist group thought they could take us down with the acts of September 11th. I saw a post this morning on Facebook that stated, “I miss September 12, 2001”. Meaning the coming together of our country to unify as one showing terrorism they couldn’t break us. But we have broke our country, we need September 12th back. It is just another loss that is felt for so many of us who have lost so much.
Eighteen years ago I didn’t know the true grief of losing a child, I wasn’t “one of those parents” yet. Since 2015 I have come to know all too well the grief associated with losing my child to a traumatic loss. Although not the magnitude of September 11th, it is still a loss greater than I could have ever imagined it would be.
I have noted that since the loss of Big Bubby I have learned many things. Good and bad, these have been life lessons that I would not have learned without the loss of my child.
- I have learned that people will pull away from you so they are not uncomfortable around you
- I have learned that there are soooo very many different types of loss and that even though I have lost a child, doesn’t mean that the next mom who loses a child will have the same type of feelings
- I have learned to show grace and forgiveness before holding tight to grudges – they are not worth losing a relationship that you treasure
- I have learned that you must be “that person” who is there for others to talk to in their time of need
- I have learned to lean heavily on those who know what I lost when Big Bubby went ahead of me
I have learned that you find your true family and friends and the support system you will forever need
So I have been in this crazy, horrible club now for three and a half years. I have seen myself go from totally numb from drugs and drinking to feeling every small pain staking step through my grief.
For those who follow me, this is a post about grief, learning to hide it from those you love, and how it impacts every aspect of your life. You may want to pass if you are my family or friends as it is not something for everyone.
It seems sometimes that those who are around bereaved parents forget is that we didn’t ask to be put here. For some reason, God decided it was time to take our borrowed child back.
Just because our outward appearance seems as if we are put together, our insides would tell a different story if they could talk. Most parents who have buried a child try not to continue to make others uncomfortable by talking about the child lost. Sometimes, we do talk and it puts others in an uncomfortable place. We don’t do this for you to feel sorry for us, say something to us, or get your sympathy. We do this to keep the memory of our child alive. To here their name spoken one more time, to talk about them and the life they had, and to help you understand what a great loss it was to us.
So it has been months since I have written a post to my blog. A lot has happened in those months and I am trying to get back to writing again. It has been over 3 months now since I have written. I don’t hold back in this post, this tells the dirty truth about a parent grieving and how it quickly spirals out of control even for those of us who feel we are strong enough to handle ourselves without help.
Continue reading “A LONG TIME HAS GONE BY…..”
Over the past few days when things have been tough for me, I have found that again, Melanie and her blog have shown me things. Continue reading “What does a Successful Life Look Like to You? Do You Even See Your Family As Part of It?”
I was reading another blogger’s blog today that he wrote about a specific verse in the bible. He gave me a whole new meaning to the verse he stated in his post. Below is what he wrote. Please go check out Rogers blog that I have put a link to here: Continue reading “Matthew 5:4 Blessed are those who morn, for they will be comforted – What does that really mean to you?”
Daily Prompt: Someday
Lots of ideas on what to write about this prompt….
I could make a list of the things I want to accomplish – Someday like:
- Visit England
- Visit Australia
- Write a Book (in the process of talking about doing this now)
- Retirement (not possible with day and age but a girl can dream)
- Vacation in Red River New Mexico where my husband and I honeymooned
- Been with my son in Heaven and wrap my arms around him tightly
Continue reading “Daily Prompt: SOMEDAY”
I am going to be trying out some of the Daily Prompt blog prompts this year as well. Just to get my writing better and on a more consistent habit.
I know my family and friends will all fall out of their chairs when they read that I am even thinking of writing a book. I know there are tons of books already out there from grieving parents about every way a child could pass, but maybe my story is a little different and has a different perspective than all the others and if it helps one person besides me and I can get someone to publish it, then I have achieved my goal. Continue reading “Float”
As I started this new year, I promised myself that I was going to be more proactive about a lot of things. Included below are a handful of what I promised myself:
- a budget for my family that we are going to stick to
- writing/reading the scripture every day (I have a plan to follow to keep me on track)
- working through a wonderful bible study that Kathleen Duncan and her husband have put together regarding Grief
- Seeing the joy in my life not just my loss
- Live in the today, not in what could have been
These are just a few of the things on my list of reminders (I refuse to use the word resolution because I never accomplish those and I am determined to accomplish these). Continue reading “Well Into the New Year….”