So I have been in this crazy, horrible club now for three and a half years. I have seen myself go from totally numb from drugs and drinking to feeling every small pain staking step through my grief.
For those who follow me, this is a post about grief, learning to hide it from those you love, and how it impacts every aspect of your life. You may want to pass if you are my family or friends as it is not something for everyone.
As most who have followed along on this journey of mine know, my family and I lost Big Bubby to a horrific car accident on 11/10/15 at 5:12AM on a Tuesday morning in Dallas Texas. He was on his way to work just like we all are on a daily basis. Thinking nothing but the usual would happen that day only to open his eyes in the presence of God. Continue reading “The Reality of Life And Anniversaries”
One phone call, three words, and my world changed forever two years/24 months/720 days/17,280 hours/1,036,800 minutes ago. That brings us to today marking my second year without Big Bubby. I will forever remember the call that in a split moment, changed my world forever. Although at the time we didn’t know exactly what had happened, but became all too aware within hours that our precious Big Bubby was gone from our lives forever.
My first year was such a blur with all that I was doing to numb the insurmountable pain that I was trying so desperately to run from, this year has been worse. It was so much easier to stay numb to all of this pain and not care what others thought. To stay numb to the immense pain the loss of a child holds. Waking every morning, only to come to realize it will be another day in hell, another day of feeling the emptiness of Big Bubby being gone, knowing you won’t hear your baby’s voice ever again. Also, waking and knowing, there are people who need you still here on earth and who want to help guide you as easily as possible through this personal hell a mother goes through when you lose a child.
While they are not first’s by date, they are firsts for me in a way. Continue reading “Second Year Down and Counting….”
A few weeks ago, my husband and I were out to eat at a restaurant that typically isn’t known for a loud atmosphere. On this night though, to me, it seemed VERY loud. While I know that I am much more sensitive to all my senses now, I felt that it was above that on this particular visit. Continue reading “The Sound of Silence”
I am writing this to let everyone know that I am taking a break from social media and my blog for a while. I will be back and be strong so look for future posts. I have already removed the social media apps from my phone and will be removing this app as well.
Like I said, I will be back in a while.
Thank you all for the continued support
So it has been months since I have written a post to my blog. A lot has happened in those months and I am trying to get back to writing again. It has been over 3 months now since I have written. I don’t hold back in this post, this tells the dirty truth about a parent grieving and how it quickly spirals out of control even for those of us who feel we are strong enough to handle ourselves without help.
Continue reading “A LONG TIME HAS GONE BY…..”