So I went to the referral that my doctor suggested for a different type of treatment called transcranial magnetic stimulation (TMS). I would be interested to know if anyone who has lost a child, been diagnosed with clinical depression, or other have tried this therapy. I do have to admit, I am a bit nervous about them messing with my brain activity.
They say that there are no side effects, but we all know what that means, just none noted that were too bad not to use the treatment. So just curious if anyone had tried it before.
Of course trying to get insurance to help with coverage is probably going to end up causing me to have to change antidepressants two more times before they will cover it. Ridiculous if you ask me. If a doctor is stating I should have the treatment because of my condition, the insurance should pay. I even work in healthcare and sometimes I have to step back and shake my head at what people have to do to get coverage for a service. Typical insurance run around.
So now, I am going to have to see the office where the TMS therapy is treated, a new doctor once again. Explain my story one more time. And hope that we can get this treatment covered. I am hopeful from the studies that have been done that it will eventually help me too. Although, because of the depression level and reason for it for me, it will not be as easy as some. I will have to have more than one session of treatments. I am OK with that if it works.
So speak up anyone who may have tried this! Give me your experiences either through messages here, facebook, etc.
So I am still seeing a doctor for my medications that I am on and talking to her. I went last month right before Baby Sis’s wedding. The doctor suggested that I start going back to a therapist to talk about my loss. I haven’t talked to a therapist since I moved back to Dallas a year ago. I have done pretty good I think, but there are times where I know that I am not in a good place and talking to a therapist might help.
I have always associated PTSD with soldiers coming home from war zones and trying to acclimate themselves back into the life they left behind and first responders. There has been several movies that touch on PTSD not really talked about it but if you know the signs you can figure it out.
After losing Big Bubby to such a tragic accident the way we did, I have had several doctors who all state that I have some form of PTSD. When they tell me that, I feel like I am dishonoring the military and first responders who see sooo much more horrible things than what I have been through. Yes, my loss was tragic and I wish every day that it hadn’t happened to me and my family but military and first responders see it every day.
Night terrors, night mares, whatever you want to say they are can rock someones world since there is no going back to a peaceful sleep. Being scared to go anywhere afraid something will trigger a memory that is too hard to relive. Or meeting someone on the street that stops you and wants to talk your ear off when all you want is your cup of coffee and your couch.
This was never a worry of mine, put to the back of my mind especially when Big Bubby came home from Afghanistan and I didn’t know what was transpiring in his home with his wife. He did have some trauma from going over to fight for terrorism. He never told me or his dad about the mental struggle he had. He wouldn’t seek treatment because he said there were others worse off than him and that he could deal with it. A chip off the old mom block right there my friends.
Now, three years in, I know that to some extent, there is a PTSD side to my loss. Not being able to see Big Bubby after the accident before the burial, the nature of the accident itself, and just simply losing a child out of order has shown that PTSD is not just for the military or the first repsonders.
Don’t let this blog go without saying, if you are struggling with PTSD today, please reach out to someone for help. We are many and we are here to be a voice of reason when the memories are too much. No life should be lost to this tragic disease.
So my Baby Sis took off after graduating a couple of weeks ago and has spent a week in Canada and one in Seattle Washington. She is now in Alaska at a camp for Agriculture (Fairbanks, AK to be exact). She has sent pictures and I am beyond laughing at the fact she is having to “rough it” at this camp. She does have running water and a shower. But must use an outhouse (Que mom laughing hysterically when those pictures came in). Oh and by the way, the text this morning was just, we had to take cold showers last night.
So a week or so ago, I had to call upon my middle child to help me out a bit. I stated in my most recent blog to hold on and see what new adventures we would go on. It only took a day or so after writing that blog that adventure found me. If you are not a gory kind of person, you may want to pass on this post…
So when I started this blog , wow, three and a half years ago, I never thought I would have written as much as I have. This has become a hobby for me and it is an outlet when I am feeling pressured or feeling the pain of my loss of Big Bubby.
So I have been in this crazy, horrible club now for three and a half years. I have seen myself go from totally numb from drugs and drinking to feeling every small pain staking step through my grief.
For those who follow me, this is a post about grief, learning to hide it from those you love, and how it impacts every aspect of your life. You may want to pass if you are my family or friends as it is not something for everyone.