And So The Dreaded Holiday Season Is Upon Us….Not Numb for This Season

So today is December 1, 2016. It has been one year and 22 days since I last heard my Big Bubby’s voice. There are 24 days until Christmas and we just past Thanksgiving. Now that some things have happened over the last 3 ½ weeks, I have a lot of things to update all of you on.

The list is long and the story longer so I will spare the long version and do short stories of all:

First, I celebrated my birthday way back on 7/31, to only wake up the next morning and have a car accident that totaled my car. I was pretty bruised from the airbag deploying and seatbelt locking. I called my husband in hysterics, crying uncontrollably, etc. I have been in therapy for my back and neck ever since. It was very traumatizing (something I am not used to being – typically I would have been out of the car yelling at the other person before I thought about it). Now, I am scared to drive in traffic and I don’t travel far distances alone anymore (my trusty sidekick, Krissie is always with me). The accident brought back so many memories of last year to the point I just wanted to go to bed and never wake up, but I did and I am surviving.

Second, Big Bubby’s angelversary on 11/10/16. I actually did OK that day. The building up to it was worse than the actual day. The Tuesday before (the 8th) was horrible. I even had to leave work which I haven’t done since coming back to work. I guess it was because when I walked in I knew that it was a Tuesday that the accident happened on and when I walked in my office all I did was cry. So my boss let me go home. My mother and I went to the cemetery together to make sure his stone was OK and nothing needed cleaning up before the Celebration of Life on the following Saturday.

Third on the 11th, Mediation with the other party (I will not name who they were). Cowgirl and I had decided that we were done no matter the resolution that came from this day. Neither of us knew we could never make it through a trial and seeing the video that would have to be played. I have to give the other party praise for not only settling with us but for showing they did care about the loss of life. I have never seen a defense attorney, and probably never will, who truly was effected by this case. He is a veteran as well as my husband and Big Bubby so maybe that is why this case meant so much to him. As most know, you don’t see the opposing side during Mediation. Ours, we did. The defense attorney wanted to meet the family and give his condolences to us for our life we lost that morning. Maybe Big Bubby was nudging him along but in all honesty I believe the attorney was sincere in his words.

Fourth, on the 12th, we had a Celebration of Life. We invited everyone to come and go as they wanted and I actually stood in front of 30 or 40 people and gave a speech. (For those of you who know me and grew up with me know that was no easy feat for me)  Thanking those who have been there since the accident to support our family through the hardest times we have ever had. I was so surprised at the number of folks who came out to celebrate with us. It was a good evening and we only cried during my speech. We also were blessed, God’s work is all I can say, by a TV news outlet from Lubbock Texas who did a story on our Million Dollar Brother and losing his oldest sibling right before trying out for the Masked Rider. They ended their story at the Celebration of Life. Our reporter couldn’t have done a more perfect job of telling our story. She did a perfect job and we so appreciate the station taking the time out of their schedules to do a story on our family. Here is a link to the story – I LOVE the name she gave to the story:

Last but not least, Thanksgiving weekend. We celebrated in Dallas with my mom and all the kids. We had lots to do as Million Dollar Brother got the once in a lifetime chance to run Fearless on the Dallas Cowboys football field on Friday for Texas Tech’s final game of the season. What an awesome sight that was to see.

So as you can see, our last few weeks have been stuffed with blessings upon blessings. Although it was difficult to do all these without our Big Bubby, it felt good to me to be with my two living children and try to be the mom I was before. I know that I will never be that mom again and hope that my children know I am trying every day to be better.

Driving home from Dallas on Sunday, I felt a weight lifted from my shoulders is the only way I can explain it. Although it was a difficult drive due to Krissie not being with me (she is spending some time at her breeder for some training), I still felt as though something was different. Maybe seeing both my children happy and in good relationships or maybe it was the passing of the one year anniversary. For whatever the reason, I was glad that I felt that way, it was a good day.

This week has been good as well. It is very quiet in my house without my Krissie Girl running around and I miss her dearly. I know she is better off being at the breeder getting her training but it is hard to come home to an empty house. It will be good to have her home at the end of the month for both of us.

I know days are coming that won’t be this way and the weight will be back, but for one day, one hour, I was at peace with myself.

Gaylord Texan Christmas for the Texas Tech Game

One thought on “And So The Dreaded Holiday Season Is Upon Us….Not Numb for This Season

  1. God Bless! We did not loose a child. It was a difficult November for us too with our loss this fall. You are a great friend and it was good to be there with you and your husband and all the kids (not wanting to state names). We love all you guys! Take care….

    Liked by 1 person

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