26th Birthday

So tomorrow marks the second birthday without Big Bubby. No fan fair will be made of the day. Some new flowers on his headstone and thoughts of him having birthday cake with Jesus. But that will be the extent of the celebration of his second birthday in heaven.

Life is hard, it throws curve balls at you when you don’t know how to hit a straight ball much less a curve ball. (baseball analogy since Big Bubby was such a fan). You learn to swing and miss or swing and hit. Some days I do both, hit and miss. I am better these days, but birthdays, anniversaries, holidays (any), bring back memories that are happy memories which bring tears to my eyes in a good way.

He wouldn’t want us to make a big deal out of his birthday either. Like his mom, he didn’t like to be made the center of attention unless it was him putting himself there.

I will be having a back procedure done to see if we can alleviate some or all of the pain I am having from my wreck. I just want to go back to my life I had before that wreck, doesn’t God know I had enough on my shoulders then not to have to deal with this now too? What is the saying, he only gives us what we can handle? I think he is pushing me to do more than I can handle.

Since I will be focused on my procedure tomorrow and probably sore on Saturday, Big Bubby’s birthday will come and go with little notice except for the closest of family and friends.

May you have a beautiful birthday in heaven sitting next to Jesus, Papa, Grandfather, Grandmother, and all those who went before you. Celebrate loud and proud my son, you deserve it.

Love you now and always – until you meet me at the gates of heaven

Big Bubby and the love of his life, Cowgirl

4 thoughts on “26th Birthday

  1. Oh Momma ~ As you quietly celebrate the day your were blessed with Big Bubby into your life, know that tears drip from my eyes with you in a bit of sadness, but also with a smile as I know the day you gave birth to Big Bubby was a good day for you and your hubby! So, from one mum (of a heaven sent child) to another mum – Happy Birth-ing Day!

    And I have often said in prayer, “I know you will not give me more than I can handle, but Lord, I think you think an awful lot more of me than I do. I hope you are right.” And as I have been up off those knees now and again and been dealt even heavier blows (than at the time I used to pray that nightly), like the death of my E-man, I still think the good Lord has higher expectations than my body and soul can reach. But, alas, I have made it through. My focus is changing. Slowly. Hold tight Momma.

    And now something for you:
    Lord, I hope you have steadied the hands of the docs who have attended to this pretty lady’s body. I know that you have sent these docs to be the extension of your own loving and healing hands. Thank you. Please have this procedure bring about some healing, physically, which will bring about healing emotionally, all the way down to her soul. Amen.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I think you are right, ma’am. God DOES give us way more than we can handle – in tragedies like these, it takes strength only God has to get through these times. I believe He does share that strength with us, though as someone who was very close to committing suicide, I realize it isn’t always readily apparent. I pray that He may impart healing for your body and some of His strength and peace for your mind. I’m so sorry you lost your son – he looks like a good man. Love,
    Shannon M.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Sending prayers for healing after your surgery. Remember birthdays are to celebrate life and you are doing a nice job of keeping your love and memories of Bubby alive. Stay strong and feel the love of those with you here on Earth and those in heaven.

    Liked by 1 person

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