By the heading of my blog today, some might sense this will be about travel. In some ways it will be, but in others it is the destination of the final “first” for my family. This is the day that we were awakened by a phone call and hours of waiting for confirmation that Big Bubby had went home to be with Jesus. I still have a very hard time with the other word, I hardly use it because it has such a finality to it that I can’t bring myself to use it.

Over the past year, we have endured so many firsts to  name. All who have traveled my path before me know those firsts and many others. I am in Dallas this weekend to spend with family and friends to celebrate a life lost too soon.

There will be friends coming in from all over the country to spend time talking about Big Bubby and telling all kinds of good stories. What will be missing? Big Bubby! When I first put the celebration of life together, I thought it would be a good way for all of those who cared about him to come together probably for the last time all in one place to enjoy each other and reminiscence about times gone by that Big Bubby was a part of.

This day brings back so many anxiety driven thoughts. The call to my husband, the call to me at work that Cowgirl was on her way to the Medical Examiner, the long flight (one hour and twenty minutes) from New Orleans to Dallas, the first time I saw my daughter and the red headed step child at the airport picking us up, the first time I saw Cowgirl in person and in shock, etc. I hate that we have to relive those parts of the day, I hate that we have to relive all the following days that accompanied our deep loss.

Everyone who has walked this path before me says it doesn’t get much easier with time but you learn new ways to maneuver around life. Last weekend was the last game played on Texas Tech’s field for Million Dollar Brother to run on. That was bitter sweet since Big Bubby has been gone. This weekend will be highly stressful but something that I feel we as a huge family of loved ones need for the closure of the first year.

Please keep our family in your thoughts and prayers from Thursday through Sunday as we navigate this final first. Pray for peace and safe travels for all who are traveling in for the celebration.