So I haven’t been on here in a while. I have been doing work and life things that take you away from the constant reminders that you have lost someone. Yesterday and today have been hard days for me, not really sure why but they have been.
I just finished reading another bloggers post that I follow who lost a child just a few years ahead of me. She is my go to when I need some encouragement that I am not alone in this journey and that there will be good days more than bad that come later.
Melanie, who wrote When will you be over this, totally gets my thoughts. This is a good read for anyone who has someone who has lost a loved one, not necessarily a child but anyone. It explains how each of us change and are no longer the person we were prior to our loss.
I can say for me, I have changed drastically. I am no longer the strong, independent, person who once didn’t need anyone to help her. I now am a shadow of that person. Will I ever be back to that person, who knows.
Melanie asks at the beginning to think of something that happened to you a long time ago and if it still hurts to think about it. I believe that is a good way to look at grieving parents, you truly never get over a hurt, you learn to live around it and with it.
When your child is taken from you in the manner mine was, in an accident with instant death, the soul that was cut out of me as a mom will never heal. The scar tissue will cover it, but there will always be a scar there. No one can see, but me. Others have started to heal and move on, in their own ways, but my loss will forever be a hole in my soul never again filled.
Yes, new memories will be made. Marriages, graduations from colleges, new professions, all the things that life brings and I will celebrate those with my family. No one will know the soul aching pain I will carry with me on those special days and always and that is OK. I will never let a good day be bad because of a memory of Big Bubby and his presence not being there to celebrate with . We all know that he will be with us on those special days and every day.