So I haven’t been on here in a while. I have been doing work and life things that take you away from the constant reminders that you have lost someone. Yesterday and today have been hard days for me, not really sure why but they have been.
I just finished reading another bloggers post that I follow who lost a child just a few years ahead of me. She is my go to when I need some encouragement that I am not alone in this journey and that there will be good days more than bad that come later.
Melanie, who wrote When will you be over this, totally gets my thoughts. This is a good read for anyone who has someone who has lost a loved one, not necessarily a child but anyone. It explains how each of us change and are no longer the person we were prior to our loss.
I can say for me, I have changed drastically. I am no longer the strong, independent, person who once didn’t need anyone to help her. I now am a shadow of that person. Will I ever be back to that person, who knows.
Melanie asks at the beginning to think of something that happened to you a long time ago and if it still hurts to think about it. I believe that is a good way to look at grieving parents, you truly never get over a hurt, you learn to live around it and with it.
When your child is taken from you in the manner mine was, in an accident with instant death, the soul that was cut out of me as a mom will never heal. The scar tissue will cover it, but there will always be a scar there. No one can see, but me. Others have started to heal and move on, in their own ways, but my loss will forever be a hole in my soul never again filled.
Yes, new memories will be made. Marriages, graduations from colleges, new professions, all the things that life brings and I will celebrate those with my family. No one will know the soul aching pain I will carry with me on those special days and always and that is OK. I will never let a good day be bad because of a memory of Big Bubby and his presence not being there to celebrate with . We all know that he will be with us on those special days and every day.
Shattered Dreams and Shattered Faith 
Have Faith Lady! We support you. Our family has been so challenged over the last 8 months and one foot in front of the other. Absolutely like nothing you have been through.
On a good note….My two year old Wylie is going to get his Good Canine Citizenship Award and become a certified therapy dog in the next several weeks. He did a sit/stay for almost 5 minutes last night. He broke for a second, but heard me say “un unh” and sat back down while I watched him behind a two way mirror. Poor kid, he sat there and looked around over each shoulder in the large room wondering why he was left alone. Kim then came up and put 8 dog bones around him and backed out leaving him in his sit/stay to see if he could do it. He did it!! I was so proud of him. After I released him and said “OK”, he moved a tiny bit and I just took my pointer finger and pointed and he went into an immediate sit. So proud of him!!
Now he has to go to a park next week where I drop his leash and he has to maintain my commands. I am a tad scared about that. He is such a good boy and I have a lot of work to do with him between then and now!!
Little Abbey (10 months) is a hellion. She and I have a TON of work to do together. She is a jumper. I want to get her into agility training. However, I need her to know basic commands before I can do that…
I hope you and Krissee are doing well in training. It takes a ton of work. Mom got a walker a few weeks ago and is back in a SNF. Hopefully I can get Wylie certified so he can go visit my mom.
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