Mother’s Day came up quick on me not realizing when it was and I was somewhat blind sided by it. Father’s Day, I at least have a handle on when it is. But my husband has handled his grief so much different than mine. He knows that he will be with his son someday, he knows there is nothing he can do to change what has happened, and he is learning a new way to live with those facts.
I on the other hand, am not there. I have read several books from other grieving parents and keep up with a few blogs of the same. It seems they are leaning heavily on their faith in our God. Is it wrong of me to be so mad at God for taking my son that I am still not at the point that I feel I can lean on him for help? The sad thing about this is that Big Bubby told me from a young age, he wouldn’t live to be old. So did he somehow know that in his short life at some point he would finish his work here on earth and God would take him home? Was he at peace knowing that he wouldn’t live to be old?
I also read these stories of parents who have lost children but have grandchildren who live on with the legacy of their child. Big Bubby and Cowgirl had not had any children at the time of his passing so I have no living legacy of my baby to hold on to and see.
This weekend is Father’s Day. A day when most families will be celebrating with their dads having cookouts or going to nice restaurants. My husband and I will spend a quiet weekend with our kids 14 hours away at school and reflect on our grown children. How well we have raised them and how much we love them. We will also be thinking of Big Bubby, who in his usual fashion, would have been calling up his dad to give him some kind of grief over something.
We are seven months into our grief. I mourn for those 49 sets of parents who lost children last weekend to a stupid act of violence and to the parents of the little 2 year old boy lost at Disney World. We know this father’s day for those parents isn’t going to be same nor will any going forward.
Remember those families this weekend, hug your families tighter each day, talk each day, and tell them how much you love them and can’t live without them.
As Big Bubby would say – Happy Fathers Day POPS, or maybe OLD MAN!