Seven months ago today, I received the worst call a parent could ever receive. My Cowgirl was on her way to the medical examiners office to identify my oldest baby. We could only identify him by finger prints and tattoo’s and they would not let her see him. Traveling back to Texas was the worst trip I have ever made. There is nothing worse than the call that one of your children you have carried, gave birth to, and raised is gone in the blink of an eye.
As this first year without you moves on without me, it is so hard to believe you have been gone from our lives seven months. So much has happened in that seven months too that you would be so much a part of if you were still here.
- Million Dollar Brother becoming the Masked Rider
- Baby Sis walking across the stage to receive her diploma after finishing her first semester at college
- Purchasing an emotional support dog and naming her after you
- Your best friend/best man having a baby
- Your headstone being set finalizing that you are really truly gone from me
- Your military brother having a baby
- Your military brother making it with his singing career
- Your cousin getting married the day after dad’s birthday in July
Going to show that no matter how hard I try to keep it from happening, life goes on. I hate that you are not here to be a part of this. Life isn’t fair and I don’t understand why God had to take you away from us like he did.
The days are harder and harder to get through especially the special ones where I know you would be with us helping us celebrate. But normal days to. I miss your calls, texts, and seeing your beautiful smile. You could make anyone laugh when they were having a bad day. I need that from you now.
Today is just a bad day for me. I want one more day with you to tell you everything, I love you, I won’t ever forget you and won’t let others forget you, I don’t regret anything you and I have experienced together, and that I am always your number one fan no matter where you are.
I hope that somehow you know what I write in these blogs. That maybe somehow you can see them too.
Fly high my angel boy and know that mom loves you forever and always!
Shattered Dreams and Shattered Faith 
He knows….please trust me he knows! It was such a sudden loss for one very young person so it is going to take time. As we prepare for father’s day weekend, I just realized it has been 25 years since my father passed. I still trod on and he was older and sick so it is not a comparison at all. When I have my moments, I go outside and “talk to the trees” as my sister and I call it. On a calm night, no wind blowing, I talk to him. All of a sudden one tree will start to blow like a wind is coming in. However, it does not effect any other trees. I know he is there and heard me. You just have to find what works for you and hopefully this blog and Krisse is helping. Big Bubby hears you. He is OK, and wants you to be OK too. Not trying to be presumptive, I just feel in my bones he hears you. You need to try your best to hear him back and since we are both type A personalities that took awhile for me to figure out. You will figure it out!!! XOXO
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