Two words that I would have never described as myself being diagnosed with before Big Bubby. Now, they both exist in my world on a daily basis. A lot of bereaved parents where I have read on Facebook sites or in my book reading I have done recently stated that they didn’t want any drug intervention they wanted to face it head on without help. For me, I have compared it to giving child birth. Some of us want drugs, some of us want to feel every bit of the pain that comes with your child being born.
I was the mom walking through the doors of the hospital screaming for my epidural. I wanted to feel no pain, just the pure joy of holding my child after all the nasty pain was over. If you have never given birth, one thing that they don’t tell you is that you have to be so far along in labor before they will allow you to have it. So you do have to feel some pain before relief is given to you.
It is the same when you lose a child, there are those who want to feel every bit of the horrible nightmare that is in front of them. I didn’t want that. I fought the first week, the week of the planning of the funeral, the visitation, the funeral, the walking away from Big Bubby at the graveside. Once that was over, I couldn’t face the pain anymore and screamed for my relief. Luckily for me, my family physician has known us and taken care of all of our family for many years before this happened. When I went to him for help, he was devastated to find out that Big Bubby or Toe Boy as he knew him, had been killed in an accident. He was definitely supportive of me having help getting through this time.
I think that Depression and Anxiety are far too common in our society today and go untreated because people are too afraid to speak out about it. I also think that some people abuse the diagnosis to get the drugs. It is a fine line that is walked when it comes to taking something to help you through hard times. I get that now.
I don’t know when I will feel that I don’t need the help of my prescription “pain” medication to help with the days that I just don’t feel I can get through. What I do know is that without the help of my doctors, the abyss that I am digging myself out of would have swallowed me by now.