How I Re-entered The World With My New Normal

As I have said in previous posts, I had just moved to New Orleans to take a new job at a company in the downtown area. I am the type of person who feels that when you start a new job you shouldn’t be taking extended time off unless it was planned when you were hired on. I know this is a totally different situation than taking a vacation or having an elective medical procedure that takes you out of the office,  but I still felt I needed to get back to New Orleans.

So, with a heavy heart, and not wanting to leave my baby boy alone, my husband and I made the decision to fly back to New Orleans on Tuesday, November 17th. Million Dollar Brother, Baby Sis, Casper, my husband, and I were driven to the airport by Our Red Headed Step Child. Baby Sis, Casper, and the Red Headed Step Child  were staying in Dallas. Million Dollar Brother, my husband and I were going our separate ways inside the airport. I gave Baby Sis and Casper hugs, told them I loved them both and that we would be back for Thanksgiving in a couple of weeks.

Then I had to say goodbye to Our Red Headed Step Child. If you have read my other blogs you will know that he is the one who went to the high school, picked up Baby Sis, and broke the news to her that her Big Bubby wasn’t ever coming home. So when we were standing there ready to go into the airport, I held his face in my hands and told him that I would have never made it through the week without him and all he did for us, gave him a long hug, hugged the other two once more and my husband and Million Dollar Brother walked away from them.

Inside the airport, we had about two hours before our planes left. Million Dollar Brother was going back to Lubbock and we were going to New Orleans but we had flights around the same time so that he didn’t have to sit by himself long in the airport. We sat at Chili’s inside the terminal and drank and talked until it was time for us to say goodbye.

The hardest part of that day was walking away from both of my kids. Saying goodbye now means something different than it did five months ago. Five months ago it was just goodbye, see ya next time. Now it’s goodbye, I love you no matter what, and I will always love you. I speak to my kids every day now either by text or calling. I didn’t used to be that way but am now. I want to hear from them everyday so that I know they are OK.

When we got back to New Orleans, I tried to go to work the next day after flying in late the night before. It would be the first time I was back in the office that I received the news that my son was dead. I walked in and was at the elevator waiting when a coworker that knew what had happened walked around the corner and road up with me. He hugged me and said he was so sorry for my loss. So started the pain all over again. He didn’t know nor should he because he was just being kind.

When I got to my office, I opened the door and it almost overwhelmed me to even walk into the office itself. Just being there brought back the prior Tuesday and all the emotions. My boss came in shortly after I got to work and graciously told me to go home. I tried a couple more times to go into the office without being able to make it. I finally asked if I could just be off until after Thanksgiving. My boss and the company I work for was/is so supportive of me and my family through all of this. They have shown me that there is still good people in the world. From taking care of our dog to making sure my car got picked up from the airport and not left for over a week to gathering a donation for us.

So for the next two weeks my husband and I roamed around our 600 square foot apartment trying to make sense of what had just happened and planned for what would be our first holiday without Big Bubby.

Big Bubby being funny with his black rimmed glasses
Big Bubby in the outfit that Cowgirl “loved” the most….lol NOT. Riding a horse like a little kid.

©  Stacie Snider All Rights Reserved

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